Faux Pas

Another not gaming related, but short, post. This is an example of the sort of thing that goes through my mind in relation to the social anxiety problem. I'll post more on this at some point, but wanted to take a break from more personal stuff.

The other day, I had made a post and ended it with something to the effect of "Perhaps this whole thing is just a type of ego masturbation, but at least I have the balls to admit it.

Don't go looking for it, because it's not there. It's not that I felt too much was revealed, or that my crudeness would be a turn-off for you readers, which it might but sometimes I need to be crude to make the point.

I took it down because it occurred to me that other people, and other bloggers in particular, might read it and think I was trying to be an asshole towards them. Well, I guess I was being an asshole, but that was entirely pointed at me, not anybody else. But I freaked out after a bit as it occurred to me somebody might feel it was directed at them. I'm still freaking out about it.

***The thing is, I know a lot of the reactions I feel are probably irrational. I can't say for sure, but I'm pretty sure that most people don't spend hours replaying a perceived social misstep or phrase that *may* have been taken in the wrong way. And more than likely wasn't. This is why I say social situations can be exhausting, because the post analysis is constant and I don't know how to turn it off. I'm trying to learn.***

So, not to go into detail, but this happens often, pretty much anytime I extend myself a little and reveal some sliver of my true thoughts, my internal monologue. Anyway, I just wanted to apologize if anyone took offense.

The second part of it, was actually sort of me congratulating myself. Because posting like this feels like a tremendous risk. Go back and read the first post. Yes, it was somewhat humorous (maybe), but that kind of is a snapshot of how I feel, not all the time, but often enough. And yet I'm still doing it, which is a tremendous accomplishment even though there's really nothing worthwhile here.

Also, I promised a post on math and gaming, but I want it to be well done so am taking my time with it. I hope to get it up by Sunday.